Loss and grief are challenging times in most people’s lives. As emotions overwhelm, it can often be difficult to find the right words that provide comfort and express condolences and sympathy for the loss of a loved one. If you’re looking to create a meaningful and heartfelt message, read our quick and simple tips.   

Composing your message — what to say  

Whether you decide to keep it short or long, there are many ways you can make your message meaningful. You can share your appreciation of the loved one through a personal story or fond memory.   

If you are writing a funeral card on behalf of your family, why not ask for input from other members. This can be a special way to remember and reminisce while helping to normalise open conversations about the passing of loved ones and all that comes with it.   

Acknowledge grief   

No matter the circumstances, acknowledging the grief surrounding death is a key step to processing the emotions that follow. You can do the same when crafting your message, by recognising the significant loss with an opening such as ‘I was deeply saddened to hear about the loss of ...’. This can open up dialogue while also showing your support.  

Express empathy by acknowledging the recipient’s unique relationship with the deceased. Write from the heart and in your own voice. Avoid using too many generic phrases.

You can also provide support and emotional comfort by giving the bereaved a safe space to share their feelings, or offer practical help in the lead up to or after a funeral or service. Often, after the initial outpouring of shared grief, people can feel isolated or forgotten along their mourning journey. So remember to follow up on your offer.  

 
Condolences for a sudden or unexpected death  

Gently address the nature of a sudden or unexpected loss by acknowledging that dealing with this type of shock can be particularly difficult. Reflect on the fragility of life and precious moments you may have shared.  

If you are appropriately acquainted, encourage openness and offer your willingness to be supportive through the processing of grief. Most importantly, respectfully honour the wishes of people closely experiencing the loss.  

In this circumstance, aim for your messages of condolences to provide comfort and support, while encouraging healing.  

Unable to attend the service 

If you are unable to attend a funeral or service, it is important to express your condolences. Here are some thoughtful options to let people know you are thinking of them.  

• If you feel it is relevant include an explanation of your absence, be honest about the reason you are unable to attend and express your regret. Keep it brief. 
• Acknowledge the importance of coming together during times of grief and let them know you are there for them in spirit.  
• Consider sending a thoughtful gift such as a memorial candle, book of poems or comfort food. 
• Reiterate your condolences and express hope that your message will provide some solace.   

 
Closing   

Grief is a personal and often painful time. However, simply knowing you have taken the time and consideration to write a personal message of sympathy can be an impactful gesture, and something that people reflect on long after their experience of loss. To conclude your message, below are some options to consider: 

• With deepest sympathy  
• In loving memory 
• Sending love and strength  

Remind the bereaved they are not alone in their sorrow and that you are available for support along their journey towards healing.   

A handwritten condolence message can be an act of compassion that can bring some relief to those in the grips of grief. Our Salvos Funerals team are dedicated to helping you navigate all aspects of a funeral. Lean on our experience during your time of need.