Quick read
If you are feeling overwhelmed, use this simple five-step structure to organise your thoughts and honour your loved one:
- Introduction: State your name and relationship to the deceased loved one, to establish your connection for the audience.
- Choose a theme: Select one defining trait of the person, such as kindness, humour, or resilience, to serve as the ‘doorway’ into their life story.
- Share stories: Share two or three short anecdotes or memories that highlight your chosen theme (from point 2).
- Acknowledge their legacy: Mention the lasting impact they made on their family, workplace or wider community.
- Closing sentiments: End with a final farewell, a short summary of their character, or a meaningful quote or poem.
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What is a eulogy
The meaning of the word ‘eulogy’ is giving a ‘good word’ — a written or oral tribute concerning a deceased person.
When writing a eulogy, your goal is to highlight the personality and character of the loved one, their achievements through the journey of life, and their contributions to family, friends, and community.
These elements are drawn from stories that are gathered from family, friends and others. What you are trying to present is a personal or collective memory of the loved one. In the process, you are trying to summarise the life of the loved one in a memorable and concise way. It’s not a detailed unfolding of a life well lived, but a glimpse in that life, highlighting the significant and important aspects.
How long should a eulogy be?
The eulogy needs to be concise because of the time restraints that are placed on a funeral service or ‘celebration of life’. Usually, three to five minutes is a good guide, or two double-spaced typed pages indicate that the time frame is met.
There could be multiple people giving eulogies, so time is of the essence.
How to structure a eulogy?
The eulogy/eulogies can be divided into themes of personal or family life, professional or working life and involvement in community life, or hobbies and interests. Also, these aspects of the deceased person’s life can be helpful in writing and allocating eulogies to family, friends and others. Each eulogy can speak to one of these aspects of the loved one’s life.
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Introduction
When giving a eulogy you should introduce yourself and your relationship with the deceased. In the introduction, you could try to define your understanding of the deceased. It could be that the deceased exuded kindness, gentleness or humour, and this becomes the theme of the eulogy or eulogies. E.g., kindness in the home, kindness in the workplace, kindness in community life.
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Story
A eulogy can focus on two or three stories that highlight the deceased person’s character and personality. Following a theme here helps to relate a story from home, work or community that gives form to the eulogy.
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Conclusion
It is best to finish the eulogy by making a summary statement that is informed by the theme chosen, or by the personality and character of the loved one. It could be a quote from some notable person, or a poem.
Points to note when writing a eulogy:
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Don’t aim for perfection
Eulogies do not need to be a work of perfection, but having a structure or following a theme is helpful to stay on track.
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Positivity
A eulogy, as the word suggests, is focused on the positive impact the loved one has made on family, friends and others. Negative stories or words are not appropriate, but honesty is important.
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Expressing emotions
A eulogy is heartfelt and triggers emotions that are a mark of authenticity and sincerity. There is no need to feel embarrassed about crying or emotional responses when giving a eulogy.
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Sharing details
A eulogy should avoid ‘insider’ knowledge’ — things that are known only to some and not comprehended by the wider audience.
Should you memorise or read the eulogy?
It is better to read a eulogy rather than try to memorise it. As it is a sensitive time, you might lose your train of thought. If you become overwhelmed, you can easily find your place in the narrative.