Written by Major Norm Beckett, Retired Officer in Canberra
I spend a lot of time speaking with people who’ve lost loved ones. Something I’ve noticed is that many of them are unable to understand what’s going on with their feelings. They believe that they’re wrong for feeling the way they do while coping with their grief.
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross interviewed various terminally ill patients and their families while writing her famous book On Death and Dying. Kübler-Ross was able to identify five stages of grief that people feel following the loss of a loved one: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
The stages are a helpful navigator for people experiencing grief, although it’s important to note that everyone experiences them in different ways. The five stages are a model that allows people to understand how they feel following a loved one’s passing and that those feelings are normal.
Here is more information on those five stages.
Denial
This stage is where a person refuses to believe that their loved one has died. It protects them from being overwhelmed by the loss and allows them to process the news more gradually. It’s also normal for someone to believe they’re seeing or hearing the voice of their loved one.
Anger
Anger is an understandable reaction to something that seems as cruel and unfair as death. People may experience a general short temper or specific anger directed at themselves or others.
Bargaining
In the bargaining stage, a person’s mind tends to go over and over what’s happened. They think about what could’ve been, what they should’ve done, and other unanswerable questions. A religious person may even ask a higher power to bring their loved one back. It may seem irrational but it’s understandable for people to want to feel as though they can still change the outcome of such a negative situation.
Depression
Depression comes as the impact of a loved one’s loss sinks in. It is a continual feeling of sadness and pain that can come in waves over several days, months and even years.
Acceptance
Acceptance is where a person learns to live with the loss and is able to move forward with their life. However, they don’t forget their loved one and continue to cherish the memories of them.
Grieving can be challenging process, and it’s not one you need to experience alone. Reach out to our friendly Salvos Funeral team if you need support following the loss of your loved one.
We’re here to walk alongside you through the five stages and beyond.