Every funeral service is unique, but there are many common elements that feature in most funeral arrangements. Like the line drawings on a colouring book, these elements help guide you as you add colour and personalisation to the service.
While funeral traditions may vary according to culture and belief, the purpose of a funeral is to gain closure, and this is facilitated through a funeral ceremony. A funeral allows those in attendance to share their love for the departed and to understand how much others loved them too. By coming together, people can share their grief and be comforted by others. And while it is an emotional time, it allows those in grief to process and try to make sense of life and death, providing an opportunity to say goodbye in a supportive environment.
The simple touches and choices people make with their funeral arrangements go to creating a special space that allows for a ceremonial goodbye.
How to plan a funeral
For the average funeral there are a range of considerations to make. The most important being whether to have a burial or a cremation. If you choose a burial, you will also need to choose the cemetery, this choice may be influenced by family members already laid to rest or by proximity to the homes of family members who will visit the site and leave flowers.
The next consideration is whether to have a viewing before the ceremony. If there is a cremation, the coffin may be present during the funeral service, or it may be the urn if a direct cremation was chosen.
From here, personalising a funeral service all comes down to the choices you make, this includes:
- Flowers (Australian natives, flowers of a chosen colour, etc.)
- Coffin (a sustainable option, one with personal messages written on it, etc.)
- Music to be played and when (at the start of service, for a visual tribute and at the end)
- Where to hold the service (at the graveside only, in a crematorium or cemetery chapel, in a private home)
- Person to lead/officiate the service (e.g. a minister/priest, a Salvos officer or a civil celebrant)
If you decide on a memorial service, the same considerations apply except for choices around the coffin. Memorial services also allow for broader options for venues such as at a park, the beach, or a local club.
How long should a funeral service last?
Timing is important, people need the time to process grief without becoming emotionally exhausted. A service that goes for too long may start to drag out the pain, rather than help process it.
“What can make funerals go for too long is long tributes to the person, or many of them. As a rule of thumb, those who are not giving the main eulogy do better if they write down what they are going to say and limit it to one page,” says Salvos Funerals Senior Funeral Planner, Marc Allison.
The average funeral service goes for less than 45 minutes, and this is the timeframe most funeral chapels work to. When the formal ceremony is over, a wake provides an opportunity to continue supporting each other and processing grief.
“The purpose of the refreshments after the funeral is to do informally what was done in a formal way for the funeral,” says Marc. This informal gathering can take between one and two hours, allowing people the time to offer condolences, reflect on memories shared during the service and simply be amongst loved ones.
Marc also says it is important for people who have lost a loved on to allow themselves time before the funeral is held.
“People often think that they need to arrange the funeral within a few days. It is much better to take longer than less time. A whole week can be beneficial. Slowing down makes things easier,” says Marc.
“One family I worked with wanted to finalise everything two days before the funeral to have a rest day beforehand. I think that’s a great idea. Give yourself and others time.”
While the average funeral service may contain similar themes, these unique choices ensure that no funeral is average. Honouring a life and supporting people through grief is the primary purpose, how this is achieved comes down to the life and experiences of loved ones and the needs of those left behind.
Learn more about personalised services with Salvos Funerals.
If you would like to discuss funeral arrangements with one our supportive team members, contact us today.